Secrets To Belong To
by 88silverkeys
Summary: Upon figuring out Remus Lupin's biggest secret, Sirius lets out one of his own to his despairing and dejected mate. slash sbrl


**I have no idea where this came from. None, whatsoever. Let me know what you think.**

He sits alone in the tower, numb to the wind whipping his hair against his face. _Everybody knows_. It's the only thing he can think of, it helps make the pain stop. The last transformation took too much and the self-inflicted cuts were deep. And all the salve in the world couldn't hide them from his concerned and nosy friends. Why did they always have to pretend to care? He knew nobody would really be that kind when they figured it all out.

He couldn't have been more right. The confrontation was ugly; Peter had sat on his bed and nervously destroyed the blanket with his twitching fingers. James had held up a book on werewolves and his voice rose in exasperation when Remus denied it. Why on earth had three teenage boys noticed the lunar cycle? And who in Merlin's name notices their **male** dorm mate's wounds on his body? Why didn't they mind their own business? Remus felt like crying, he tried to control the shaky breaths that were sucked away by the wind.

Sirius had perhaps been the hardest. He'd paced back and forth, continually forcing a strained smile on his face as he lied—promising a continued friendship no matter what Remus's truth was. Remus had been so embarrassed, finally admitting to it—he wasn't even really human. And the silence was so loud and it hurt so badly. Finally all Sirius had to say was a pathetic "Oh, I'm sorry."

Remus ran out of the dorm and to the highest tower. The walls were whizzing past, and they smelled perfect—like books and home. The only real refuge that Remus had in the world and suddenly he didn't belong.

Now he is frantically trying to control himself, pacing the tower. Hands pulling at his hair and scratching his innocent arms absentmindedly. There is no way out of this, they'd tell. They'd report him, for the safety of other students. And Remus doesn't really blame them. He isn't safe; he can't even stop from hurting himself. Nursing the bitten fingernails, bloody remnants. Remus suddenly hears a sound beyond his own hoarse crying.

Sirius stands in the doorway, kicking his feet against the stone floor. "Hey, it's really cold out hear. Let's get inside, yeah?"

Remus subconsciously gives credit to the even tone and ability to keep the fear out of his voice. "What do you want me for?"

Sirius shoves his hands further into the pockets of the overcoat and steps closer to Remus. "You don't think that we have a bloody important conversation to finish?"

Remus turns abruptly to face the other boy. "There's nothing to talk about. You figured it all out, it wasn't your business, but that isn't going to matter, will it?"

Sirius shakes his head. "It was an accident, we were worried about your health and-"

"How did you know it was _my _health? I told you it was my grandmother! My grandmother!" Remus sinks to the ground, biting his lips and promising himself not to cry but it doesn't work. "How did you figure it all out, I was so stupid. I should've done better with hiding it; I thought I could handle this…'

Sirius hesitantly approaches and touches his friend's arm, with no obvious flinch in response. "Look, mate, I didn't mean to figure it all out. You'd done a great job, really. If I wasn't such a bloody creep, we'd still be completely in the dark."

"What do you mean by that?" Remus roughly rubs a hand over his face, as if pushing off the emotion.

"I saw the cuts in the showers…thought you were getting attacked or mashed up by someone—"

"Just myself." Remus mutters, shaking his head. "I sort of assumed no one was looking whilst I was in there…the showers, that is."

Sirius gives another forced smile and ducks his head. "Well, most people don't."

"Then why the hell did you?" Remus is exasperated; he can't understand what went so wrong. And then suddenly it makes sense. He looks over at Sirius, who has been starring at the dried blood on Remus's fingers. "Were you…you were checking me out?"

Sirius nods and flashes an insincere smile, "Yeah, so two secrets in one day. Good for us."

Remus stares, completely shocked. Things like that are not supposed to happen, there's something wrong with Sirius to think anything good about him. "And now?" he asks a little harshly.

Sirius shrugs and brings a cold hand up to cup Remus's check, his thumb absently wiping at the trail of tears. "Sorry, mate, I still think you're worth it." He slowly moves his hand to the nape of his friend's neck and pulls him closer.

The kiss is surprising to Remus. It is chaste, simply a meeting to cold and chapped lips. He thinks it's perfect.

It's over and Sirius smiles at Remus, but this time it's a real one. He isn't hiding and he's sincere. Remus feels a lump in his throat; he doesn't deserve this kind of thing. "Really, Sirius? I'm not even…" _human_, he thinks.

"A girl? Yeah, I'll get over that." With a knowing smirk, Sirius kisses him again and this time it is more. Remus feels the heat spreading through his body, the cold hand slipping into his shirt suddenly is warm and perfect. There are two tongues in his mouth and Remus can hardly believe he's got his hand in his friend's hair, holding on for everything he's got as the kiss deepens.

It stops when they can taste Remus's tears. Humiliated, Remus turns away a bit. "Sorry, I'm just…in shock."

Sirius nods seriously. "Yes, the extent of my beauty, when seen up close, is shocking. How can one person have so much of the world's 'attractiveness'?"

Remus pushes him playfully, "wanker." Sirius pushes back and they tussle for a moment until Sirius ends up lying over Remus, their faces close.

Remus is breathing in Sirius's breaths; they are warmer than the biting air around them. "Why haven't you run away yet?" Remus can hardly hear himself whisper the terrifying question.

Sirius leans closer until their lips touch. "Because there's nothing about you I want to run away from."

From then, it takes several months for the gang to be able to join Remus on the full moon nights. It takes several weeks for Remus to show Sirius the scars and talk about being a werewolf. And it takes several days for James to figure out what's going on between his friends. It takes several hours for the boys to plan how to work Remus's sick days to their procrastinating, work-avoiding, rule-breaking, advantage. And it takes several minutes for Remus and Sirius to come back up for air. But it only takes a second for Remus to feel like he belongs all over again.


End file.
